Your are gonna do WHAT?

Well, October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This month has special significance when you have been touched by breast cancer. We walked in the Race for the Cure, which is SUCH an amazing thing. To see the SEA of people all walking for an amazing cause. And, I got my first mammogram! The new hospital in Rockwall was offering $75 mammograms for the month of October. Technically my insurance won't cover a mammogram until I am 40, but that is CRAZY. How many women are being diagnosed with cancer younger, and younger. So, I spent my own money to have some peace of mind.

Wow what an experience. I took Renee with me, cause I needed some support. I checked in and sat in the waiting room for my name to be called. Renee and I giggled and chatted, and totally took my mind off of what was coming. In fact, we were planning a camping trip, so we spent our time planning meals and deciding who would bring what. All of a sudden we were struck by the significance of what was to come. Imagining what Gena must have gone through as she was preparing for her first mammogram, the one that would ultimatlely diagnose her with the cancer that would take her life.

I get called back into a room, and I am all of a sudden sweaty beyond belief. I am VERY aware that someone is about to be grabbing under my arms, and thinking "calm down, she can't grab sweaty boobs!".

She was VERY professional, and VERY kind, and I am so grateful for the way that she gently cared for me, I had told her the reason why I was there getting a mammogram so early and she took great care in putting me at ease.

I got naked from the waist up, and wiped OFF my deoderant according to instruction. (she wasn't aware of my previous problem obviously) Who knew that deoderant could show up like possible tumors on an X Ray? I put my paper gown on to open in front, and waited for the torture to begin.

You know all those stories you hear about how painful a mammogram is? Well, they are ALL true?? But, no big deal in light of what they can prevent. My new best friend re-entered the room. (although none of my friends have seen my boobs, this girl saw 'em and grabbed 'em ALL OVER!) She tells me to take one arm out of the gown, and prop it up on a clear plastic sheet, and then, oh so slowly it will proceed to squish my boob like a pancake. (although it is clear, I HIGHLY recommend that you DON'T look down) Then we have to do it from the side. The side view includes not only your breast tissue, but all of that fat under your arms too. (for all you skinny women who don't have that fat, they will find some, TRUST ME!) They cram all that in there too, and once again, oh so slowly squish it again!

REPEAT for the other side!

The nurse was sweet and gave me her direct phone number to call back that afternoon to get the preliminary report so that I would not have to wait a week for the letter that would come. Thank you!

After all that, I got dressed and went back to the waiting room to grab Renee and head outta there! As soon as I saw her, I immediately started to break down a bit. Partly laughing about the ordeal that I had been through, and knowing that she would be doing it soon, but also because I could relate for a SECOND to the fear that Gena must have felt waiting on news. I was sad that I was not there for her that day, I missed her tremendously all over again. I was thankful that my best friend was there with me.

I called back that afternoon to find that everything was clear, and I was fine. Now, at least I have a base line mammogram should anything happen down the line.

Celebrating 11 Years

Matthew and Emily 1993



On our Wedding Day October 6, 1997



At the Cowboys game October, 2007


Eleven years ago today, Matthew and I made a decision to commit our lives together. The exact circumstances surrounding that decision were not perfect, or planned, but thank the Lord they happened. It was about 15 years ago when we first met, and first started dating, and here we are now, with 3 children, a home, and family and friends surrounding us. Now I know that Matthew and I will both admit that those years are far from perfect, but I also know that we agree that the hardest times are the ones that brought us closer to each other, and to the Lord. Thank you God, for the wonderful man that I call my husband. Thank you Lord for the talents and determination that you have blessed him with, without which we would not have the life we do now. Thank you Lord, for the stubbornness that you gave him, it is both a blessing and a curse. Thank you Lord that you have given us 11 years of marriage together, I don't know that anyone thought it would last, and there have been times that even I had my doubts. At the end of the day, I know that Matthew will go to bat for me every single time, right or wrong. I love you, Matthew! Happy Anniversary!

Visit with PawPaw

A few weeks ago my PawPaw was passing through town and I stopped at my Dads house for a few hours to visit with him. My PawPaw lives in Oklahoma, and unfortunately, I only see him but maybe once a year. I seem to be so caught up in my own life that I don't normally make time for special trips to see him, or any other family for that matter. MOST of my family lives within a 20 mile radius, so I have been spoiled to the fact that I don't have to go out of my way to visit with them. But, after I missed the last visit to see my Grandmother before she passed away I am acutely aware that each visit COULD be my last. And before Gena passed away I became more aware of having pictures made with her, and with everyone!!! I don't think that I had ANY pictures of me with my Grandparents, so I made a point to get one with PawPaw. It was great to spend a few hours talking to him, and not have to share it with cousins, aunts, uncles etc.. Me and Allison got to just sit and talk and visit. Just wanted to share a few of those pictures.

First Day of School

Okay, so school started last week and I am SOOOO late with getting pictures up. So here are just a few of the girls attending their first day of 5th Grade and 2nd Grade on a VERY rainy day! They had a great time and really like their new teachers! We are praying for a great year (and you can too!).

Indiana Mattie

Just wanted to share a new phase in Mattie's little life. He is a bit addicted to Indiana Jones right now. ALL the movies! It is so funny. I love it. He assigns us each a role, sometimes I am his father, Dr. Jones, and sometimes Matthew is. But we have to say "JUNIOR" in a Sean Connery-esque voice. His hat is almost always on his head these days, including church on Sunday. His teachers played into it a bit too going along with the whole Indiana Mattie thing. He is funny! I do love this part about little boys!

Things I LOVE about my kids...

I love how Mattie always says “excuse me” each and every time he toots. Even when he is on the toilet, and even when you can’t even hear it. You will just here him say “excuse me, excuse me” to no one. Makes me giggle.

I love it when Chloe smiles ALL THE TIME. She always has a smile on her face, even when she is in trouble, I think it is almost a reflex. It sure does make it easy when she is upset about something, I can just say “don’t smile Chloe” and she will.

I love it when my kids play together without fighting. I love to hear them actually enjoying each other instead of tearing each other apart.

I love it when they are all asleep in bed, and I can kiss them and watch their sleeping faces without them knowing.

I love it when Chloe sits down to breakfast only about 10 minutes before lunch and eats both meals. She sleeps late, but she cannot miss breakfast, it absolutely rocks her world.

I love it when Elyza reads Mattie a book before bed at night. She is so motherly and loving sometimes, and I love to hear her reading stories to him.

I love the heart that Elyza has for the Lord. I see a true evangelistic girl in her. She really does want to share the love of Jesus Christ with others around her, and I love to listen in when she does.

I love how all my kids sound EXACTLY alike on the phone, and they all think I should know who I am talking to. I got on the phone with Mattie and I thought it was Chloe, and Mattie said, “No Mommy, its ME!”

I love how each of my kids are so different and unique and I thank God for them!

Worship Service on Sunday

Well, Sunday started out like any other, I get up and then make the rounds throughout the house waking up every other family member and coaxing them all out of the bed one at a time. Once we all get rolling and in the car, we are usually about 10 minutes late already. Matthew and I have a system about getting in the door to church. I check the kids in and fight with Mattie to get him in the door to his class (EVERY SUNDAY), and Matthew does the most important job of all...GETS THE COFFEE!! We teach the Fourth Graders on Sundays so the coffee is our saving grace. Thank you to the dedicated Sozo Cafe staff by the way. Anyway, off to teach our awesome Fourth Graders, we are finishing up the year with them so we are gonna be sad to say goodbye! We had a VERY sparse crowd on Sunday due to Memorial Day, but we learned about the virtue of patience and heard the final chapter of Joshua and Jericho. After our replacements arrived Matthew and I went downstairs to attend the worship service. This was particularly awesome because I have either been out of town, or working the UpTown ministry for both services so I haven't been to "big" church in about a month. I was so excited, I hardly knew what to do!

Well, we started singing and boy have I missed singing like that! I was perfectly fine and doing well, and then it started... a song that I can't listen to without crying. Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace My Chains are Gone. Now, some of you may not know why this song gets me so teary. I am getting a bit teary now just thinking of it. Just a few months ago I suffered the greatest loss of my life so far. On November 2, 2007 my best friend passed away after a 4 1/2 year battle with breast cancer. This song was played at her funeral and truly the words express the freedom in death that we, as followers of Jesus Christ, have. I know that Gena is free from the pain that cancer gave her every day. She is free from the sufferings that she dealt with in the final 2 months that she was on hospice care. The chains that this world bound her with are gone, and she is FREE. She is in heaven now, with our Father, and she was ransomed by the blood of Jesus Christ. Gena is finally in her heavenly body, the one she was intended to have, dancing with the One who created us all.

So my tears on Sunday came, and they came hard, and they still come. They come because I miss her terribly and I wish she was here with me, with her kids, with her family. They also come because I know that she is so happy and free, and not looking back to the world that we remain in. I am happy to have the peace that there is eternal life after our earthly death, and I am not mourning over the finality of it. I know that I WILL see her again, and yes, I miss her, I am sad for me, not for her.

I love that song, I love the words, I love that it reminds me of my best friend, I even love that it makes me cry. It is still very cleansing to cry for Gena, and that song gives me an excuse and I don't have to explain it. (except of course in this blog) I hope that they sing it again at church, just next time I hope that I have kleenex.

I love you Gena-Beana!

"Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found

Was blind, but now I see'

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed

My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains

Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow

The sun forbid to shine

But God,

Who called me here below

Will be forever mine

Will be forever mine

You are forever mine

Me, Gena, and Renee'